Mutual love is a natural and powerful psychotherapy in which both partners are therapists to one another. When we love and feel loved, we open our soul. The closeness of our beloved allows us to release the feelings and emotions suppressed over the years which actually means that our partner bears the weight of our emotional traumas.
The closer we feel to our partner, the more we trust them. Our inner censorship falls down and we start to show all our aspects to our beloved. We feel the need to be accepted as we are. We need to see ourselves through their eyes and be assured that our “dark” side isn’t so dark and that everything is alright. The truth is that we wouldn’t let even the best therapist go as deep into our soul as we would allow the person we are in love with.
The people we fall in love with are not at all accidental. We attract and are attracted to those who correspond to our subconscious program created in our childhood.
The people we fall in love with provoke us to reproduce our old emotional traumas in different modified variants in order to overcome and heal them. Even the hardest relationships are not just a mistake – they are serving their own mission in our life.
„The darkest zone“ is that part of us which has developed as a response to all the negative things we have faced over the years. There – deep down in our subconscious, all our fears and unhealed traumas are stored. And they often dictate our behavior.
Sometimes we have an argument with our partner about something insignificant, and somehow unnoticeably, things get out of control. We cannot believe that from something so insignificant a huge row might arise. What actually happens is that both of us are releasing some of the accumulated tension – we both have unlocked our “dark zones” and all kinds of unresolved stuff is coming out of them…
„The dark“ part of us needs to be exposed to the sunlight through sharing, realization and insights so that it can stop sabotaging our life. In most cases, however, we don’t feel ready to accept the heavy emotional “baggage” of our partner.
We start to feel scared every time we encounter something that we consider “not normal”. An open mind, patience and tolerance are required in order for us to be able to help the other person overcome their old emotional traumas. What we also need, is the realization that in this process our partner is helping us grow and heal, too.
Maybe we won’t be so critical towards our beloved if we realize that the negative energy which seems directed at us is, in fact, a response to the actions and the energy of other people who were part of our partner’s past.
We can help our beloved by talking about their childhood, their traumas and wounds which they haven’t healed yet. And let us be as understanding and tolerant towards ourselves as we are towards our partner when we get surprised by our own emotional outbursts…
As Freud has said, every normal person is, in practice, just partly normal. “What is normal” is a concept that has been created by people and it undergoes changes according to their changing beliefs.
Human nature has a huge range of different manifestations and when we start to accept the diversity with more calm, our lives will become much more colorful and fun. Love and prejudices are incompatible. Fortunately, in most cases Love is the one that wins.
Stela Daskalova is one of the most successful writers in the nonfiction genre in Bulgaria. Her three books are bestsellers in the nonfiction genre for publishing house Ciela – the biggest publishing house in Bulgaria. 